A warm welcome

All my insecurities brought me here. Have you ever had an idea for like 10 years? And you chip away at it over the years, you start and stop it multiple times but the timing is somehow always off until it’s not? You try to do it with your friends because you are not fully confident in doing it on your own and also you’re a Libra so you kind of love partnership… Yeah? no? Well, I have.

If you’re reading this then perhaps you’re familiar with the Global Pandemic that hit in 2020. And for the first two years of the pandemic, all I could think about was my mortality, my legacy, like who the fuck was going to tell my story and actually get it right if I were to transition!? And to be honest no one. There would be these bits and pieces from people but no one would do it more justice than me. But even then I still felt stuck with all my ideas and desire to make a move. Even while the world stopped, there was nowhere to go, no real distraction besides my thoughts. It still took me another two years to make it make sense.

Like why do I have this feeling of purpose, or need, and strong desire to use my own voice to tell my story? Then with snow days, the ending days of a depressive episode, and a new year approaching, come through Spirit!! Okay, confirmation, transformation, and acceptance… Sometimes that’s just Spirit chooses you. I’ve quite literally have spent the past 10 years (and aggressively the last two) trying to find the words and justification for ‘why me’. And that’s how all my insecurities brought me here, I questioned everyone. I reminded Spirit of each plan that didn’t work out as I planned, I circled back on all my choices and decisions, especially the ones I wouldn’t do again. And I used to like to think I’m someone without regrets but when you get real with yourself it’s giving if I knew what I knew now then, yeah no.

But again when you accept what Spirit is asking of you you don’t always get all the details at first. Life is going to happen with or without you so I mean we might as well experiment with the moment if not all the time then every now and again. So here’s to blind faith and pure trust.

So, this blog idea really has always been about the information I wish I would have received from an older sister, auntie, mom, and grandma… from a friend. It’s the passing sharing of information both big and small. And also all ideas are my own, it’s the act of community healing, it’s the interrupting of generational patterns by using my voice and having the conversations that we otherwise internalize.

Welcome to me accepting me for who I am for real. I hope we both enjoy this for real and heal for real in all ways, always. xo